Seems like it has been a while since I last updated the blog . . . . still trying to catch up on all of my chores that I ignored while my sister was here! Oops! My mom's group started back up, as well as Community Bible Study (CBS). The middle of the week is crazy with Emma's school schedule in there too AND don't forget Ellie's nap schedule! It's all about schedules which doesn't go well with my laid back personality as I HATE feeling rushed to get out the door. That is becoming the "norm" though!
For the past several months, I have gotten back on the exercise track! I started doing a few exercise videos on Exercise TV and came across Cindy Whitmarsh. At first, I was doing it to lose my belly bulge that I always complain about, but don't really do anything about. Her workouts are intense. The first couple of times, I thought I was going to die! Then I discovered that Cindy Whitmarsh has two kids and has a body like that. SO . . . I decided I need to just suck it up!!! I wasn't sure how I was going to fit it in with everything else, but the girls have adjusted. They know that everyday mommy exercises to stay healthy. And yes, that is what I am doing, I'm staying healthy. Emma already makes comments about who has prettier hair or teeth or whatever. I want them to realize early on that it is important to be healthy and feel good, not be skinny or fat.
With M2M and CBS starting back up, it has been an adjustment getting back into the swing of things. I had a pretty low key summer and didn't really see many of the moms. It could be the heat or maybe we all just needed some downtime!!!! Since being back though, it has been a struggle for me not to compare myself to other moms. I think it is a struggle women have naturally anyway. Then you add kids to the mix and then I start quesitoning and doubting my abilities as a mother. WHY, WHY, WHY?? Those other moms are there for support, not to look down at me. Yes, I know this. I really do. However, these are some of the thoughts that have run through my mind in the past couple of weeks:
"Am I mothering them well enough?"
"Are my kids learning as much as they should be?"
"Did I make the right decision to stay home with them?"
"Why do I miss working so much when I love my kids more?"
"Why is this so hard some days and others it is easy?"
"How can I have such a hard day and that look at them and want to melt?
"Will I be looked down upon because I don't homeschool?"
"Should I feel guilty for needing a break once in a while?"
"Will I ever feel like I am good enough?"
I've just decided that I will always have that feeling of maybe I'm not as good as I should be, but I guess that is what makes me strive to be a better mom. Being a mom is hard work, but so rewarding and priceless. Even as I look back, I don't think I ever really grasped how hard it would be to raise them in this world. They are just so innocent and I want to hold onto that as long as I possibly can. I am convinced I just have to be at peace with the decisions I have made and will make and know that I am doing the best I can for them.
Yesterday though, I was in Ellie's class as CBS helping out. It was such a good experience. Ellie has grown into such a little person and it is fun to see her grow. There was a little boy loving on her. He wanted to sit by her, then he kept kissing her on the cheek, then her arms. Finally, she give him this look like, "Just get off!" He left her alone after that. What a little Diva! About halfway through the class, the head of the Children's Ministry came up to me and told me that I must be doing something right to have kids like Emma and Ellie. I thought to myself, you have no idea how much I needed that. Some days I am distracted by the monotonous-ness of our everyday life. I really need to step back and really look at them. They are mine and they are such a blessing to me. Through all the sibling rivalry, they are good kids. And before I know it, they won't be kids anymore . . .
"I'm ready to help you clean mommy!" 
According to Emma, she knows EVERYTHING about school and in the WORLD!
Tailgating last week at the Charger game . . . 
Here is Emma and Ellie looking for wild bears in the garage. 
3 comments:
I constantly struggle with the same thoughts... I think all mothers go through it and all mothers look at others and even though we try not to compare we do. You have 2 amazing little girls they are so lucky to have you as their mommy.
Thank you for such a transparent post. I'm finding that motherhood is an evolving challenge and journey. You're right- as women, it's so hard not to compare ourselves to others. I know for me, I was slowly allowing all of the comparisons and doubts to eat away at my joy and true calling of motherhood. You are an amazing mom to your little girls Becky! Choosing to stay home with them and giving them the gift of your time and love (even on the hard days) is a selfless decision that will reap it's rewards much later in life. No one else could give them that gift except you. I'm learning to ask the Lord and seek His will in all circumstances. -Matt. 7:7-8. It's the only thing that makes sense. It's the only thing that will free us from doubt and insecurity. We all have our own unique path towards Him. No one is like you, so no one will have the same journey. I hope you know what a blessing you are to your family and to those that call you friend.
Becky,
I so agree with Catherine! Very well written!! Choosing to stay home with Emma & Ellie & giving them the gift of your time & love is a such selfless decison that will reap it's reward later in life for you & them. Emma & Ellie are so luck to have you as their momma. You are such a blessing. They will be little for such a short time....enjoy every minute with them as they will be all grown up before you know it & then you will wonder where the time went!!
Mom
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